It happens. We ALL do it from time to time. Toot. Fluff. Poot. Pass gas. Fart. Don't blame it on the dog, or the kids, or the token male in the room. You know it was you. Man up and own it. But sometimes its all about location, location, location.
After striking out for the last time, I decided to call it quits. My stomach was rumbling anyway and I was getting depressed. I headed out of the store towards my car. As I got closer I felt a bubble wiggling in my innards. It didn't have that dastardly liquidy feeling of a "poot-plus", thank God. It was just a fluff, no problem. I could deal with this.
As I unlocked the car, I surreptitiously scanned around me to see if anyone was walking near me. Spying no people on the street and no heads above neighboring cars, I turned my rump away from my door decided to let 'er rip. And rip it did. BPRBPRBPRBPR! It was loud and green and burned the hell out of my eyes and nostrils. - not to mention the exit orifice. My sons would have been proud to claim it.
I snickered to myself, waved the air around my fanny and said "Ahhh, much better." Then I opened the car door. As I turned my body to climb in the vehicle, I spied a small movement from the corner of my eye. I turned to my left to see what was there. It was a woman. A woman sitting in the car right next to mine. With her window completely down. A mere 18 inches from my flame throwing ass!
Dear Jesus!! I stared at her with my mouth hanging open. (Had I been breathing in I would have suffocated, I'm sure.) She had both hands over her mouth and tears in her eyes. I'm not 100% sure if the tears were from laughter or asphyxiation - and I don't know that I care, to be quite honest. "Uhhh....S-S-s-sorry....bleh." I blurted out words and launched myself into my car. I pealed out of the parking space, leaving tire tracks in my wake.
That poor woman. Oh, that poor, unlucky woman. Just sitting there enjoying a beautiful day when some random B comes up and FARTS on her! Literally turns and farts ON her. I'm mortified to think of what she told her other car riders when they came out. Assuming she was still alive, that is.