Dance recitals always took place in the spring. The little kids went first. They were followed by the elementary aged kids, then middle school, then high school and adults. This was her first performance with the older class. The high school and adults. The older girls had been so supportive of her over the past few months. They taught her how to breathe without making her rib cage move and how to look through the audience instead of at them. They helped her find her center on her turns and how to spot to keep her balance. Most importantly they helped prepare her for dancing with the boys. They weren't boys, really - but MEN sounded so scary. That's what they were, though. Men. 6 feet tall with strong backs, arms and legs. Easily twice her size. She got nervous each time she stood next to any of them. All red in the cheeks and ears on fire. Completely flustered. So much so that one of them commented on it once. "Hey...you ok? You look really red and uncomfortable.” She couldn't form words, so she just stared bug-eyed at him and nodded her head. Luckily he was kind and didn't laugh. Too hard. He just patted her head and chuckled.
His name was Lee. He was in his mid 20's. He did NOT look like a dancer. He played football for a small high school and took dance classes for balance and agility. After he graduated and moved off for college, he found he missed dancing. So he joined their studio. All the older girls thought he was "soooo cute"; all she saw was huge muscles and a brushy mustache. But she grew quite fond of him over time.
Because she was the smallest of the "women” in the class, she was almost always the one involved in the lifts. Her size made it easy for the men to learn the right balance and timing. Once they perfected the men's part, sometimes Miss Liz would switch the women’s part to one of the older girls. Depending on how intricate the dance was and the level of skill required. But not always. It became the class joke to call her "The Doll." "Pick up The Doll and lets run it again," Miss Liz would say. And they would all laugh. Someone would pick her up and throw her over their shoulder. They would all laugh more. She didn't mind. They didn't mean it in a hurtful way. Not at all. They all treated her just like a little sister.
She had been paired with Lee for the entire upcoming performance. There was a ton of work involved which lead to a lot of extra practices. Saturdays and even a few Sundays. This class was serious business. It was rumored a talent scout from the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater would be in the recital audience, so all the dancers were putting in every spare hour they had. She was too young to understand exactly what this meant, but she knew it was extremely important to her older friends. She was not about to let them down. She showed up to each and every practice and gave her best effort. She took whatever critiques they gave her and corrected each and every misstep. Miss Liz and Delia praised her a lot for her work. Lee did too. She and Lee became close after a short time. Like an older brother and younger sister. It was nice. It made her feel comfortable. Settled. Normal.
She was sitting during a break, peeling off her toe shoes. She had lost two toenails that week. She had to keep the bandages clean and readjust the wool buffer in the toe boxes. Her feet were a bloody mess. Blisters had popped and goo was dried and crusted between her toes. Lee was plopped next to her, razzing her on how gross her feet were. "You know, you have nasty old lady feet on kid legs. I don't know how you do it. Let me look at that..." He grabbed one of her ankles, twisted her leg over, and began examining her toes. She laughed and squirmed. Lee stuck her head and shoulder behind his back and pinned her with his arm. It was then he noticed the large, dark purple bruise on her rib cage. She was always extra careful to dress appropriately. It was important to cover anything that might raise concern. But all the extra wriggling and moving had caused her top to ride up a bit. She wasn’t even aware of what happened. She only heard Lee gasp loudly and say a cuss word. One of the badder ones. She wormed her way around and yelped. "WHAT? What was THAT for?! You said a bad word!"
"What is THIS?” He shouted. “What's this bruise? This is HUGE. Did I do that to you?! Come ON! You have to TELL me when I hurt you. You're so quiet I never know, but THIS...this is BAD!" He yanked up the side of her shirt and pointed at the area. It was then he saw the rest of them. He started talking to her loudly. Almost shouting. AT her. Loudly. Very loudly.
Heat flew through her ears and cheeks. An ice cold ball formed in the pit of her stomach. She struggled to pull her shirt tail out of his grip, but he wasn't letting go. Her breathing became ragged and she started panicking. Her eyes were wild and her blood was rushing in her ears. She wasn't scared of Lee in the least. Not at all. But she could NOT afford to have him, or anyone, find out about her issues. She lost her composure. "No NO NOO!!! Let go of me LET GO! STOP STOP!” She hurled herself around and started scrambling away from Lee. Her words tumbled out in an uncontrolled jumble.. “I’m sorry,” she whimpered “I’m SORRY, I just need you to stop...STOP...please please please noo....I"m sorry, I'm sorry." She felt the tears roll. Down the side of her nose to her upper lip. She tried to sniff them up. She kicked and rolled and writhed to move as far away from Lee as fast as possible. She didn't notice he had gone silent. They didn’t notice the rest of the class had turned in their direction. She was crab-walking backwards across the floor. Lee was crawling fast towards her. He chased her back into a wall, then sat down hard right in front her. His face was inches from hers. He leaned in and took her small face in his big hands. His expression had changed from surprised anger to extreme concern. And a little fear. He whispered "What...is going on here? Somethings not right. Something is very wrong. Talk to me. Please talk to me."